Christian: I don't want to go to [our summer day care program] today.
Me: Why not?
Christian: I just don't want to.
Me: What's wrong? Was someone mean to you?
Christian: No. Just nothing. I just don't want to go.
Me: I'm your mom and I love you and you can tell me what's up. What's up? What's going on?
Christian: They just make me do all the activities I don't want to do.
Me: Well, like what?
Christian: Just nothing, Mom. Forget about it. I just don't want to talk about it.
Me: [I'm still suspicious that this is a kid problem] Is someone being mean?
Christian: No.
Me: Well, what things don't you want to do?
Christian: [pause] [pause] The other kids just don't want to play with me. [very, very sad look]
I don't remember exactly what I said after that, but my heart was broken for the rest of the day. At day care, Ehren has a group of friends that he plays with, but Christian is often alone. Ehren and Christian play together all the time at home, but I suspect when they are with other kids, Ehren is a little "too cool" for his brother. In fact, Ehren actually said to me once that it would be better if he and Christian weren't in the same group for their field trip.
Christian is the sweetest, most caring, loyal and genuine friend on the face of the earth, but he often says strange out-of-context thoughts that other kids don't get. For example, one morning when I was dropping off the boys, another boy from his room was walking in with his mom at the same time. Christian didn't say hi to the other boy. Instead, he pointed at him, and said to me, "Mom, he's really fun." He does that sometimes, talks about another person while they are right there. Another time, he was telling a kid, "we know how to tie our shoes making an X," but most seven year olds are way past this, so of course the other kid thought that was strange.
Christian has a long way to go socially. We'll be working more diligently on this, reviewing different dos and don'ts until he gets a video log of social situations in his mind like Temple Grandin. In the meanwhile, I'll be giving him a lot of extra hugs and looking for teachable moments.
Oh, you're singing to the choir. We deal with this too. And I can't decide whether to let AJ go have his friendships, or whether to insist that Zack be allowed to tag along because he needs the social experience and interaction so badly. Let me know if you come up with the right answer here, because I don't have it!
ReplyDeleteYour post is just like a glimpse into what I know my future is going to be like with Gabe. So scary. But at the same time, Audrey loathes daycare. I've had the above discussion with her too many times to count. Kids are hard, and can be hard and non-inclusive. On the bright side {is there one:)} it is great that Christian was able to express his feelings about what was going on with you; after some prodding yes, but he did it! That's huge in my book!
ReplyDeleteYour a good Mama, he'll get it, he's surrounded by people that love him, and great teachers and kids at a great school.
Why couldn't they just stay babies forever? What's up with the growing up stuff?
Oh, that is hard! It's not something we deal with yet, but I'm sure we will. Motherhood is a heartbreaking business.
ReplyDelete