Sensitivity Training

Let me start by saying that after you read this post, you are going to like me less. Two of my fellow bloggers, Cari and Joanne, just posted about things people unwittingly say that cut us, parents of kids on the spectrum, to the core.  Just a few years ago, I was one of the worst offenders myself.  I confess that I often said "That is SO retarded" or "I am so retarded." One time someone gently corrected me on this, and I thought to myself, "What expressions are left that you can say in this politically-correct world?"

It gets worse. All the time I was randomly spouting off the "R" word, I had no idea that one of my long-time co-workers was silently going through his daughter's autism diagnosis. Guess when I found out? About a year later when my twins got their diagnosis. I was in tears telling my manager, and she said, "[Co-worker]'s daughter was also diagnosed with some developmental issues. I think it was autism. He doesn't really talk about it. I don't think too many people know."  My manager must have talked to this co-worker right after I left her office because about ten minutes later, he motions me into a conference room to talk.  I learned all about his daughter's story, and there were many kind words of understanding. I'm pretty sure my jaw was on the floor when I first found out that one of his kids had autism.  I mean, I talked to this person everyday.  I had already worked with him for eight years at this point.  And all the while I had no idea what he and his family had been silently enduring.  Looking back, I know I asked him all the normal baby and kid questions about his daughter. I'm sure I thought his answers were short because men don't always elaborate on all the baby stuff.

Now, three years later, we're both quiet about our kids' issues, and some of our co-workers still have no idea that we both have kids on the spectrum, but I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that there is someone in my office who just understands. A lot of my co-workers have kids, and when everyone was going on about how awesome their kid was doing in school or soccer or whatever, I knew there was at least one other person there who understood that I was juggling ABA, OT, and speech instead of soccer, dance, and Chinese.