Rules of Engagement

As I've said before, Christian has a lot of trouble getting out the words he wants to say.  He's not smooth.  He doesn't have great volume control when he talks.  His voice sounds a little flat and nasal.  He often uses words that are close, but not quite right.  For example, tonight he asked Dan, "How many grouse did you catch?"  Ehren jumped right in to correct him with "You mean shoot."  And then later, he was watching a show about stingrays, and he told me the divers were "just behind the surface of the water."  Of course he meant they were just under the surface.  To further complicate things, he's often got a shoe loose, or his pants twisted, or his pant leg tucked into a sock, or something on his face.  These issues don't win him respect or friends on the playground. 

This afternoon, we biked over to our neighborhood playground.  When we arrived, there were a lot of kids playing {which makes my kids happy}.  I sat on the sidelines playing a game on my iPod, but you know that we moms of kids on the spectrum are sneakily {I hope} hyper-observant of what social interactions may or may not be going on with our kids.  Christian wants so much to play with other kids and have them like him, so he was going overboard talking to one or two of the kids.  Listening to him talk, I'm always holding my breath and silently hoping for him.  I heard some good stuff, like Christian telling another kid what school he goes to.  He was also trying to tell this kid about one of his classmates who knows karate.  Then he was trying to show him a karate move {I don't think this was going smoothly, but I couldn't really see}.  Then there was some chasing around, Christian chasing another kid.  Not sure what that was about.  Meanwhile, Anna was busy playing with a younger girl, and I didn't hear Ehren saying much. 

All of a sudden, the whole group of kids packed up and left.  I didn't even realize they were all there together.  I don't think their decision to leave had anything to do with my kids.  Whoever was in charge decided it was time to go, but here's how things went down.  Christian said, "All the kids are gone." {and here comes the kicker}  Ehren replied, "And it's probably because of you."  Pause.  "You know, because you were chasing them around all the time or something." 

I find it interesting {or alarming} that Ehren is realizing more and more that Christian sounds and acts different.  It's the first time I've heard Ehren directly blame Christian for a social situation gone wrong.  The thing is, is that it's true.  Ehren definitely blends in with other kids better.  I didn't say anything to the boys about it.  I'm just not sure how to parent here.  I want Christian's social awareness to grow, but I don't want him to be hurt or give up or lose his confidence.  The funny thing is that although Ehren sounds smarter on the playground, Christian actually outperforms him in academics {slightly}.  I'm truly grateful to report that my three are still as tight as ever, but we will see how the differences continue to play out as they grow.  I always remind them that we're all on the same team, and as a family, it's important to stick together.  I hope it sticks.